No God's Best: Seeking Confirmation
(This is the first post belonging to a series on my blog called "No God's Best". To see other posts in this series, click here)
One of my favorite preachers, Paul Washer, said that we live in a world that hates just about everything that God loves and has instituted: marriage, family, the church, men, women, and children. I couldn't agree more. With each passing day, the principles of this world are working more and more against those institutions. Just notice the prominent themes in today's headlines. Nobody bats an eye when we talk about divorce, liberalism, terrorism, feminism, egotism, entitlement, and abortion anymore. On some occasions, they're even celebrated. All we're left with is moral confusion. Nobody know's what's good and right, and yet we're all still desperate for one thing:
APPROVAL.
APPROVAL.
Because of this desire to feel accepted by society, we're left in this vacuum of "almost but not quite." We never find ourselves in extreme absolutes, only ever in in-betweens until we're certain, or we get some form of validation. For example, there are couples who decide to cohabitate because they're striving to make the relationship work, but never fully commit because they don't want a divorce. I've heard that most people who do this say they do it because they want to be sure. (i.e. "How will I know if we can spend the rest of our lives together unless we give it a shot first?") So they live almost like husband and wife, but it's nothing quite like marriage. They want the idea of a lifelong partnership, but are taking missteps to get there. The sad thing is, because this is so common in the world today, they will never know that what they're doing goes against God's design.
GIVING MEANING TO WHAT ISN'T THERE
There's a way this kinda plays out within the Christian context too. For example, finding a partner in the church is pretty common and can be a blessing. In fact, it's the ideal situation for most Christian individuals. But say, a person who enters the church is only there for that one reason (whether they like to admit it or not) - that can be very constraining for their spiritual growth. Not to mention very wrong, as it taints the God-given design and purpose of the church and gathering of believers. A more common malpractice I know of is taking a Bible verse completely out of context and using it to affirm a relationship. Granted, it's not always wrong if this happens. I commend any individual who doesn't act unless they are confidently assured by the Bible. But when it's too forced, it only almost sounds like you've found a good thing, but not quite. We can't use Holy Scripture to qualify your actions that go against Holy Scripture. When the Bible is silent about something, we cannot imply meaning to what isn't there. That is dangerous because we turn what is sacred into something superficial and secular.
Sure, we can mask our lists and our confirmation verses under the pretext of "answered prayers" and "nothing being too impossible for God". But doesn't that sound like making God like our personal genie? Plus, what happens when your fairytale doesn't happen the way you expected it to? (i.e. your testimony is bound to be immensely different from that couple at church you heard and borrowed it from) What happens when you pass the rainbows and butterflies phase and the gloves are off? Or worse, what if either one of you screw things up big time? Would you blame the Bible for leading you astray?
Sure, we can mask our lists and our confirmation verses under the pretext of "answered prayers" and "nothing being too impossible for God". But doesn't that sound like making God like our personal genie? Plus, what happens when your fairytale doesn't happen the way you expected it to? (i.e. your testimony is bound to be immensely different from that couple at church you heard and borrowed it from) What happens when you pass the rainbows and butterflies phase and the gloves are off? Or worse, what if either one of you screw things up big time? Would you blame the Bible for leading you astray?
If only there were physically visible [or audible] signs that fell from the sky! If only it were made clear to us in our dreams. But we know in reality, those kinds of signs and wonders have ceased. All we have is Scripture, and the Lord says it is sufficient. But why aren't there any verses on dating or breaking up? How do we know if what we're getting into is a good thing?
I believe that if we truly want to seek some form of confirmation from the Lord, it should not be one that is focused on someone else's life. This is a principle that is often said, but also often overlooked. We must be eager to hear His confirmation for US, as ourselves. We must repent and seek His acceptance, His assurance [of our salvation], and His affirmation [for our faith and obedience]. These things cannot be given to us by other people, and most certainly cannot be produced within ourselves. This kind of confidence only comes from the One who is able to grant it to us, and only by the finished work on the Cross.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
See, everybody knows that there is no perfect relationship, no perfect way to date, or no perfect marriage. But just look at the way it's handled: culture tells us to find someone you don't have to change for, someone you can be yourself with and who can accept you "flaws and all". And yet, expectations continue to rise, and disappointments are as high as ever. The Gospel, on the other hand, drives us to become better by striving for Christ-likeness. However, we know we are broken, and because of this we can accurately see each other as fellow sinners under the same Grace. One tells you to be yourself, but demands perfection to keep things going. The other tells you to change for the better, yet accepts you as you are because you know that security rests in Someone else's Perfection.
In life, we are bound to fail and fall in multiple times and ways. That goes for relationships too. And when that happens - when you fail, or when someone fails you - you will be prone to think if it's still worth being there. If staying will make you happy. If you're willing to put up with it for the rest of your life. You will find yourself asking those questions more and more the further you are into the relationship, probably even when you've entered marriage (hopefully, that declines over time though). People rarely ever consider these things in the beginning, which is why it is important to anchor ourselves onto something constant; onto Someone who is unchanging who can see us through those times. God grants us the wisdom and discernment to come to the right conclusion, and we can only be keen to "confirmation" if we recognize His Voice. Getting used to the sound of His Voice requires some dedicated time of study. The Lord has promised that you will find Him when you seek with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13). And if we aren't doing that, the confirmation we think we're getting will always only ever be assumptions. They will always only ever be "almost but not quite's", - and if you've ever been in one of those, you know you're in for a world of hurt.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:17
See, everybody knows that there is no perfect relationship, no perfect way to date, or no perfect marriage. But just look at the way it's handled: culture tells us to find someone you don't have to change for, someone you can be yourself with and who can accept you "flaws and all". And yet, expectations continue to rise, and disappointments are as high as ever. The Gospel, on the other hand, drives us to become better by striving for Christ-likeness. However, we know we are broken, and because of this we can accurately see each other as fellow sinners under the same Grace. One tells you to be yourself, but demands perfection to keep things going. The other tells you to change for the better, yet accepts you as you are because you know that security rests in Someone else's Perfection.
In life, we are bound to fail and fall in multiple times and ways. That goes for relationships too. And when that happens - when you fail, or when someone fails you - you will be prone to think if it's still worth being there. If staying will make you happy. If you're willing to put up with it for the rest of your life. You will find yourself asking those questions more and more the further you are into the relationship, probably even when you've entered marriage (hopefully, that declines over time though). People rarely ever consider these things in the beginning, which is why it is important to anchor ourselves onto something constant; onto Someone who is unchanging who can see us through those times. God grants us the wisdom and discernment to come to the right conclusion, and we can only be keen to "confirmation" if we recognize His Voice. Getting used to the sound of His Voice requires some dedicated time of study. The Lord has promised that you will find Him when you seek with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13). And if we aren't doing that, the confirmation we think we're getting will always only ever be assumptions. They will always only ever be "almost but not quite's", - and if you've ever been in one of those, you know you're in for a world of hurt.
"All wisdom comes from the Lord, and so do common sense and understanding. God gives helpful advice to everyone who obeys him and protects all of those who live as they should. God sees that justice is done, and he watches over everyone who is faithful to him."
Proverbs 2:6-8
RESOURCES
As part of this series, I've chosen to end each post with a short list of resources people can go through that might help with understanding this grand theme better. Here's this week's list:
Articles:
On Complementarity (the official view of this writer on the roles of men and women in marriage): https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/pursue-complementarity-not-compatibility
On Dating:
http://www.desiringgod.org/advice-for-guys-on-dating
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/six-traits-to-look-for-in-a-spouse
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/matt-chandler-on-finding-the-one
Book: The Mingling Of Souls by Matt Chandler
Blessings,
D
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