On This Day (Looking Back)
Facebook reminded me that on this day, 4 years ago - I made a decision that forever changed my career and my passion.
Music has always been in my heart since then. And while the dream continues to live in me, the journey has certainly been far from easy. I've faced countless backlash, critique, and obstacles when it comes to my talent, my weight, and even my smile. Nonetheless, I'm thankful to still be able to do what I love, no matter how small the gig, or how few the supporters. I know I have quite a long way to go, but I'll keep pushing.
Little did I know, that not long after that, I would make another decision that would also be life-changing. My move to America was one of the toughest things I had to go through. People asked so many questions as to why I would just leave a life of comfort in the Philippines behind. I had so many questions myself. Questions that I'm still trying to find answers to. But here I am, almost 3 years in - and there's no other place in the world I would rather call home than here.
It was Charles Spurgeon who said -
There were so many times when I wanted to get upset when anyone questioned the decisions that I made, or the motives for my actions. I felt so ashamed whenever I hit a wall somehow, because it was only natural for me as a human being to want to defend myself and make myself appear better than everyone else.
But my motivation to do better never came from telling myself that "I'm good" or "at least I'm better than someone else." Nothing good ever came out of looking inside myself or loving myself more. When I tried to, I only saw pride, filth, and selfishness. I only saw someone who was willing to close her eyes, and cover her ears and tear other people down in order to bring herself up.
Instead, the strength to push forward came from knowing who I once was (or still am) and how undeserving it is of me to be here. That only because of God's sovereign grace, I am able to stand firm. Where sin leads us to make excuses for our mistakes and shortcomings, God's grace is being able to face those head on - admitting how they're probably true and so much more, and leaning on the Holy Spirit to transform you into someone better.
Looking back at my past experiences made me see how those things carry no real authority. As my narrative is constantly growing, there's no way I could ever recommend to someone to take inspiration from me. I haven't arrived. I may never will. Our stories show us that we are incapable of achieving anything good on our own. (Romans 7:18) Our stories show us that there is so much more to our lives than ourselves, and we can't do it alone. That's not to say that someone's stories or life struggles don't matter - praise the Lord for how far He has taken you and I; For it is in the gospel that we find fullness. It is in grace where we find Help and hope.
But that isn't what society will tell us now, is it?
It's funny when you think about it - if everyone was taught to follow the beat of their own drum, then no one will be listening. That promotes more insecurity in a person than it does encouragement.
People will always be telling you how you could do better. People will always be asking stupid questions, waving their fingers or shaking their head at you. People will always be blaming you for things you didn't do, and shame you for things that you did do. Because their goal is similar to yours - to elevate themselves higher than everyone else. But as Paul David Trip writes, "Only grace can convince you to abandon your righteousness and run to the merciful arms of the Lord."
Fellow saint, I'm about to say something you'll never hear from today's motivational speakers, or most megachurch pulpits: stop telling yourself you're fine just the way you are. In fact, don't let anyone flatter you with empty compliments. Be humble. Know the Truth. Change. Grow. And find your confidence not from personal achievements, or the decisions that you've made, but only from the finished work of Christ on the cross.
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| You could probably tell what that was based on this photo |
Music has always been in my heart since then. And while the dream continues to live in me, the journey has certainly been far from easy. I've faced countless backlash, critique, and obstacles when it comes to my talent, my weight, and even my smile. Nonetheless, I'm thankful to still be able to do what I love, no matter how small the gig, or how few the supporters. I know I have quite a long way to go, but I'll keep pushing.
Little did I know, that not long after that, I would make another decision that would also be life-changing. My move to America was one of the toughest things I had to go through. People asked so many questions as to why I would just leave a life of comfort in the Philippines behind. I had so many questions myself. Questions that I'm still trying to find answers to. But here I am, almost 3 years in - and there's no other place in the world I would rather call home than here.
It was Charles Spurgeon who said -
"If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him - for you are worse than he thinks you to be."
There were so many times when I wanted to get upset when anyone questioned the decisions that I made, or the motives for my actions. I felt so ashamed whenever I hit a wall somehow, because it was only natural for me as a human being to want to defend myself and make myself appear better than everyone else.
But my motivation to do better never came from telling myself that "I'm good" or "at least I'm better than someone else." Nothing good ever came out of looking inside myself or loving myself more. When I tried to, I only saw pride, filth, and selfishness. I only saw someone who was willing to close her eyes, and cover her ears and tear other people down in order to bring herself up.
Instead, the strength to push forward came from knowing who I once was (or still am) and how undeserving it is of me to be here. That only because of God's sovereign grace, I am able to stand firm. Where sin leads us to make excuses for our mistakes and shortcomings, God's grace is being able to face those head on - admitting how they're probably true and so much more, and leaning on the Holy Spirit to transform you into someone better.
"God having raised up His Servant, sent Him to you first, to bless you by turning every one of you from your wickedness."
Acts 3:26
Looking back at my past experiences made me see how those things carry no real authority. As my narrative is constantly growing, there's no way I could ever recommend to someone to take inspiration from me. I haven't arrived. I may never will. Our stories show us that we are incapable of achieving anything good on our own. (Romans 7:18) Our stories show us that there is so much more to our lives than ourselves, and we can't do it alone. That's not to say that someone's stories or life struggles don't matter - praise the Lord for how far He has taken you and I; For it is in the gospel that we find fullness. It is in grace where we find Help and hope.
But that isn't what society will tell us now, is it?
It's funny when you think about it - if everyone was taught to follow the beat of their own drum, then no one will be listening. That promotes more insecurity in a person than it does encouragement.
People will always be telling you how you could do better. People will always be asking stupid questions, waving their fingers or shaking their head at you. People will always be blaming you for things you didn't do, and shame you for things that you did do. Because their goal is similar to yours - to elevate themselves higher than everyone else. But as Paul David Trip writes, "Only grace can convince you to abandon your righteousness and run to the merciful arms of the Lord."
Fellow saint, I'm about to say something you'll never hear from today's motivational speakers, or most megachurch pulpits: stop telling yourself you're fine just the way you are. In fact, don't let anyone flatter you with empty compliments. Be humble. Know the Truth. Change. Grow. And find your confidence not from personal achievements, or the decisions that you've made, but only from the finished work of Christ on the cross.
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